Catching Up...

Here's the latest:

• the academic year is over! woo-hoo!
• we heard peanut's heartbeat for the first time this week!
• we're getting married next Saturday!
• i had a great lunch with the ex and shared all the recent, happy developments.
• it's race weekend in Charlotte. :(

It's hard to believe I've been at the university for nearly a year. I'm not sure where this semester went especially and the summer is already promising to fly by. I love my job, my supervisor and my coworkers and am truly, truly blessed.

I had my latest dr's appt on Tuesday and heard the heartbeat there for the first time. It was the most amazing sound ever. Then, yesterday, we got to hear it again, courtesy of a very cool little hand-held doppler I ordered from amazon.com.

It's official - we're getting hitched next Saturday. We decided to do it now and have a celebration later - so my mom's coming to visit for a couple of days and his kids will be there, plus a few of our friends who live locally. In a week, I'll be married. Yikes! :)

On Monday, I met the ex for lunch and filled him in on all the good news. He was very kind and supportive, but a little suprised. He said, "Well at least we know that your eggs and my sperm both work; they just weren't meant to work together." True true.

And, it's NASCAR hell in Charlotte for the next two weeks....when a quarter of a million people descend on my city, tie up traffic and monopolize hotels and restaurants. I suppose if the superbowl were held in Charlotte and the Steelers ALWAYS played in it, I might have some idea of how excited these people are, but I just can't get into a bunch of cars speeding around a track that's two miles long. Nope...sorry!

New Beginnings....

Several weeks of morning sickness, two pregnancy tests, two doctor's appointments, lots of anxiety and one very positive ultrasound later....it seems to be official...I'm pregnant!

But....I'm not in a huge, huge hurry to tell folks just yet. (So, blondie, why in the hell are you telling the internet?) Because I can....and because the inside of my uterus has never fascinated me so much.

So far, we've only told his brother/sister-in-law and my bestest friend from high school, while soon-to-be-daddy is struggling a little wondering why I don't want to shout this from the rooftops.

I'm just being cautiously optimistic while I get my own head in the game. Next step: figuring out how and when to tell people....beyond that - there's lots more, but I'm going to go day-to-day with this for a little while. :)

Until then - it looks like the real excitement begins in November. More soon.....

It's Official!

Can't write much now....but I can say it's official and it's good. :) Stay tuned! :)

All Mixed Up, But Somehow Not.

What's a girl to think when:

• she's got a lot going on in her personal life
• her ex sends an e-mail that says, "you home tonight?"
• she is in the most incredibly loving, supportive and fantastic relationship ever

She thinks:

• she is giving it all over to God and will trust that things will work out as they are supposed to work out.
• she tells him that she needs some space and asks him to respect that (while simultaneously and very genuinely praying that he makes his own peace with his decisions)
• she concentrates on being grateful for the amazing human bean in her life - and for the fact that the above-mentioned-ex's decisions led her down a path which brought her to this amazing man and their fabulous relationship.

Lessons from Little Kids

I found myself in church on Sunday. That's not so much the point of this post - but let's keep that factoid to ourselves because if my mother discovers I was there, it will only instill false-hope that will breed endless conversations about when I may return again, what I thought about the homily, how the church isn't so bad....etc. While she's mellowed in her Catholicism over the years, she still hangs on to some idea that I'll come to my senses, or will at least hit my head hard enough on something to render me senseless - either of which will send me running, without passing go, back to weekly mass. Don't get me wrong -- I believe in God - just not the Roman Catholic version of it all - and simultaneously, don't find it necessary to profess my faith on a weekly basis in a building full of hypocrites. (Ouch. I know. I'm really not that bitter - just have some major beefs with the faith in which I was raised)

Moving on....so, I'm in church and sitting in front of me is a set of grandparents with their beautiful little granddaughter. By my estimations, she was 5 or 6 - and had the most beautiful eyes you've ever seen. Not buying into the antics of those her age around her, she was remarkably well-behaved - sitting patiently through a long-winded homily while no doubt thinking lovely chocolate-infused thoughts.

About 3/4 of the way through mass, she slipped and bumped her tailbone on the edge of the pew. If you've done this --- you know how badly that can smart. It shook the pew and I waited for those little eyes to fill up with well-deserved tears.....

Instead, she smiled.

And, it struck me at that moment -- from very early on in life, some of us learn how to instinctively smile through whatever pain we may be experiencing. Which led me to wonder: how do we learn to do that? Why do we do that? Why are some of us innately better at doing it than others?

And, more impressively - it was a grin and bear it smile, it was a "I'm going to be just fine. i got this. I'm a big girl. this is no big deal" kind of smile. So, my newest quest is to take a page from her play book and learn to do that more often.....to greet life's disappointments with grace and a smile.....to have faith that I am strong enough to weather whatever little pains may come my way.

God Bless that little girl.....

Life

Have you ever had that sneaky feeling you are standing on the edge of a cliff overlooking something much bigger than yourself? Clearly, if you've been to the grand canyon (or some place equally as breathtaking), you can answer in the affirmative, and quite literally. That's not quite what I mean - particularly because I've never been to the Grand Canyon. (And while I sense I'm missing out on something - I'm afraid standing overlooking the ground thousands and thousands of feet below me may contribute quickly to the losing of my lunch.)

Anyway.....I'm facing something hugely exciting, enormously life-altering and I'm the ONLY one who knows. Well, I think I know - does that count?

I'm trying to muster up the courage to put my game face on, to be the liberated, independent woman my fantastic role-model of a mother raised me to be - yet even with that, I'm only the slightest bit apprehensive about what may be ahead.

Stay tuned.....

No Lifeguard on Duty!

Taken in Clearwater Beach, Florida - this is a reminder of one of my favorite metaphors for life after college....there really should be a required class for all college students about life after college. :)